The Beginning

This past Sunday I entered training at a place in Second Life called Austin Island-The Story of O@ Austin. It has been less than a week and I have already learned things about myself. Most significantly is the lesson in the following excerpt from the journal I am keeping in game. Names are changed slightly to protect privacy...


~Wednesday~

Today was an interesting day. I was tested for the first time by a Master. In the cafe spending time with everyone, Master C decided he wanted to see what I would do if asked to fetch him a drink. With my training from Gor, I am not a stranger to service in this way. I did just fine getting him his drink, doilie and all... up until I took the drink to him. After emoting that I had offered him his drink, I made a mistake. I had been controlling the tv again for a while and decided to change the song (it had been repeating for a few cycles). What was I thinking?!? He immediately corrected me, and I apologized while blushing furiously both in SL and in RL. I finished the serve, and went to offer service to another man in the room, who declined. My nerves were so frazzled at this point that I stood near the little tv and watched everyone talking for a good 5 minutes before I could even do the simple task of making myself kneel.... I did not recover from this as well as I had hoped I would. It had been so long since a Dominant had corrected me, or even showed enough care to want to, that I was completely thrown. It was so simple... something small... all he did was tell me to think of what was more important... but I felt shame... I felt like I had failed and disappointed him, and it almost brought me to tears.

Fortunately, at least for my interactions with other people at that moment, I had to log off for a little while to do some things in RL. I was able to calm myself down and actually reflect on what had happened. I needed to know why I had reacted so strongly to such a simple correction. For a long time I have always detached myself from my avi. I tell myself, "I can do anything with her to certain points because it is not really me these things are happening to." I always looked at RP in SL as just that, a pretend sort of role play that allows me to do things I can not do in RL. I was wrong... I knew on some level that being here at Austin is different than any other place I have been in SL. I knew that going into this training I would have to open up the real me, but I did not know the extent of how open I had ALREADY made myself. I am starting to see my avi as just another part of the real me. She can move and experience the physical things I can only imagine in my mind. She is the visual representation of the beautiful submissive woman that is buried deep inside of me screaming and fighting to get out and show herself to the world.

I know now that I am submitting all of myself to this training. I want to learn. I want to grow and change and be everything I know I can be. And in that one moment with Master C I felt... alive. He woke up that sleeping beauty and passed her a rope ladder built with knowledge that will only bring her further into the light.